...I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you-especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land, come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapped; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly...
— Charlotte Bronte (Jane Eyre)

From the time I was little, I was a hopeless romantic.

I knew I'd marry young.

I knew I wanted to be with someone as wild and free as me.


The funny thing though about "happily ever after" stories is that they're all crap.

They don't tell you what it looks like afterwards.

They don't tell you that marriage is tough and it takes a lot of hard work.

The world however is happy to tell us we should base our decisions about love,

on feelings,

and I just think that's a load of shit.


There are some days I would like to use Josh as a punching bag.

There are days when I don't feel any love for him.

There are days when all I can think about is him and when he gets home,

I let him know.

There are days when I wonder what my life would've been like,

had I not married so young. 

There are days when I wonder if I could ever be whole without him.

There are days I question what that handsome man sees in me.

There are days when I feel more than I could ever express.

There are days when I feel numb.


Feelings come and go like the wind.

If we lived our lives based on that, we'd screw ourselves over in the long run.

In the last decade of marriage I've learned that love is a choice.

It's a choice you make every day, in spite of how you're feeling, happy or sad.

Some days it comes as easy as breathing

and other days it's infinitely more difficult. 

And all that growing together has taught me more about love

than any book ever written

or any story ever told.


I'm going to bed tonight the happiest I've ever been.

Not because everything is perfect but because everything is imperfect.

And beautiful.

My life is in constant motion right now.

Everything is changing and it's scary as hell.

But looking back on the ten years I've been married to this man

and promising again to love and hold him for many more years ahead,

I see the big picture.

How far we've come and where we're going.

And I can't imagine this life without him.

I love him so.


Cheers to a live worth living,

to celebrating milestones

and dreaming dreams.


Cheers to hard work,

to loving your lover

always and forever.


Cheers to you realists

to you romantics

and everyone in between.


Artists, Writers, I found so much wisdom in Madeleine L'Engle's reflections on life, work, marriage and family.  The Crosswicks Journal series is one of the most intimate pieces of personal discovery I've ever read.  I still go to it often.  I feel as though she's there beside me, speaking to me as a friend over a cup of coffee.  It's a true treasure.